I'm An Idiot

I guess I'm an idiot. If I could count how many new versions I've done to my latest track "Nova", after its official release, I think it would be close to 100? "it's the act of unveiling it to the public that brings a sense of closure to me" This time, my own belief has failed me. I put around 40 hours or so of extra work, trying to get the "perfect mix", while I kept finding little mistakes, clicks and whatnot - I think I was just imagining them at some point, I don't know. But I reached a point where I no longer enjoyed the song anymore. I was completely fed up with it. Who does that?! In my last letter, I shared my decision to take a break from social media, a significant step for me personally. During this period, I continued using my old PC for mastering because I was familiar with its plugins, which I don't have all on my Mac. After the old machine broke down on me several times this week while I was working, I decided it was enough. I officially gave up on it, literally putting it in a drawer to gather dust. Mastering on the Mac has opened up new possibilities. With the simpler tools I have available and actually trying to learn them, rather than just picking an appropriate preset and making some tweaks on top-of-the-line plugins, I've genuinely improved in areas where I lacked some knowledge. Learning more advanced compression techniques and how to dynamically apply it in certain cenarios, wasn't high on my list of priorities when it came to music production. I always avoided it and tried to make things easier for myself. But exploring its intricacies without fear of making mistakes has allowed me to experiment and take my time. I've been using the same mixing approach since 2018 and through this ludicrous mission, I discovered a new way of mastering my tracks. This experience has also opened my mind, revealing how constrained I feel when it comes to finishing a song. I've noticed that other musicians often go through this in some way or another and I've watched countless music gurus on social media in the past preaching that "you need to finish your tracks". I've always agreed with that statement and still do. I know it's not exactly a one-to-one comparison, as they emphasize the importance of completion, but my perspective is more about the execution and its personal impact. Over the years, I've released a lot of songs, often more than a dozen per year, so I assumed that didn't really affect me. But guess what? It does, and a lot. There's a lingering tension and anxiety that lasts for days, sometimes weeks, when I approach the final stages of a project. If I use this year as an example, in the first four months, I made around 25 tracks that I decided I was going to release, mostly this year and some in the next. Now, I only need to finish them. The joy of making music quickly led to agitation and unease. The act of completing it, though necessary for me to move on to new projects, scares the sh*t out of me. "I'm a prisoner of my own work." I don't mean to sound grim, but that's what it actually feels like sometimes. I'm committed to being truthful in this blog, even if it takes a darker tone at times. So that, in return, I can figure myself out. Frankly, I should and could have made the switch sooner, but I was afraid the final product wouldn't sound as good or consistent with my previous works. That fear kept my "everything must be perfect" brain from making the change. I do recognize that all this struggle has brought me something worthwhile. It's given me clarity and depth on aspects I hadn't considered before, renewing my hope for future creations. Hopefully, you won't find that this effort falls short in the next blog post you read. Being an artist is a constant emotional rollercoaster. If I ask, was it necessary to go through this tedious process to make the switch? Probably not, for most people. But would I have realized my personal constrainment without going through it? Honestly, no. A simple change in tools - and some mindful thinking - it was all it took to reshape my creative process and perspective. Yesterday, I've begun to appreciate "Nova" and the new unreleased stuff again. They feel and sound better (to my ears), marking a necessary and natural progression in my work. I'm excited to apply these new techniques to my current and upcoming projects. Any day now, I'll reinstate the release. This journey has reminded me that sometimes, it takes mistakes to realize what truly works. Until then, well, I was just being an idiot. Thank you for reading "Inside The Mind Of An Artist". Until next time, Vítor